Entries by alto (339)
Speaking Of Equality...Round II
Tuesday, July 22, 2008 Todays entry is more to clarify than respond to some of the angry howls and misunderstood intentions that accompanied my recent post, A Tip For The Butch Obsessed.. An entry that generated quite the comment participation, most notably yesterday, due in large part to this piece. Besides the usual back and forth barbs and shots normally tossed around on the net, there were some interesting responses, particularly one I responded to today on Jack's site.
As these discussions usually do, they got me to thinking. One of the questions I spent a bit of time on was if we, and I mean those on both sides, really attempt to understand perspective or the core philosophy f the other. I'm guilty of not doing that. And frankly, when things like human rights are involved, I'm also guilty of not being too concerned I'm doing that.
So from the archives....here is where I am coming from on the whole steaming piss poit that is gay and lesbian rights. Written last October in the middle of the flap over trans inclusion in the Employment Non Discrimination Bill. Comments are from last October and have been opened again.
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The last couple days have seen a lot of writing, specific to the arguments regarding gay conservatives, and the vast differences in a clear binary of competing political perspectives. Some of the points central to the following piece are the specific frameworks and building blocks in what are common ways of referencing real, and demonstrated examples of oppression in daily life. That is a concept I am convinced that gay conservatives could benefit from. As denying your own experience is considered a largely unhealthy dynamic, specific to several cognitive pathologies.
More to that point, I'll attempt to outline how an end goal of an earned acceptance, is a very troubling dynamic for cultures with high examples of individual and group specific oppression. One thing I have always experienced as a very annoying, headache inducing level of frustration, is the dynamic where gay conservatives would rather swallow razor blades than simply admit that in some cases, the liberal and societally empathetic ideas around certain kinds of "victim experience" are in fact very authentic ones, with demonstrated example in the lives of those oppressed on a basis of group identity.
Today's common mantra of post gay ideology, is that organized gay liberation in today's world, is a somewhat outdated and antiquated concept. In effect, collective responses to oppression have ceased to matter, or be effective. In this article I will demonstrate why such a movement can be effective, and why today, it matters more than ever.
I, like many other gay men do not know an existence that is marred in any real way by a manifestation of gay oppression. My career, housing, educational advancements, and many other things, not the least of which would be my personal safety, have never been challenged due to my orientation. But let's examine the reality of the "fem" guy, who may be harassed for simply walking down the street. Or the woman who is defined by, thus devalued over, the size of her breasts. Perhaps the woman who affects a less than traditional female deportment. Some may view these examples as small or petty, but it isn't your voice being silenced with "nice tits" is it?
Though the reality of gay oppression is that no matter how perfectly executed your "straight acting" abilities are, God forbid you walk out of a bar and come face to face with six baseball bats in the hands of six adrenalin ramped teenagers. Your "straight acting" abilities will mean very little. Gay oppression may not be my or your reality today, but you can bet it is for many, many people.
Reflecting on the history of the movement, the early structure of gay liberation took shape via two of the most influential movements in history. The focus on group resolve, non violent civil disobedience, symbolic protest, and a highly visible presence, was garnered directly from the black civil rights movement of the 1960’s.
However the theory which informed our philosophy, and provided a historical context in which to view gay oppression, was the same one that informed the radical feminist movement. This subset of feminist ideology challenged the contention that gender roles are always biological, and that the assumption of such belief served to place men above women in power structure, as well as social and sexual currency.The idea being, a positive biologic attribute among men (objective physical strength) was seen as inherent justification for the limitations assigned to women, since somehow women were lacking attribute, or more commonly, the lack of attribute implied deficient.
Radical feminism proposed that gay oppression be viewed in the same context, as a popular theory of the day was the belief that gender roles, specifically pathology of, was in and of itself related to a homosexual orientation. Radical feminism asserted that gender identity and sexual orientation were ultimately very separate mechanisms. The clear analogy between mans attempt to regulate female sexuality, and the inherent fear of not controlling it, is the same dynamic that attempts to regulate gay sexuality. Both identities, a gay one, as well as a self actualized female one, directly challenge the inherent belief structure, social construct, and worth of attribute arguments central to a dominant patriarchal structure.
When the gay liberation movement was in its early years, it had a very simple and well articulated goal. Perhaps getting back to the truth which defined it, is necessary. A truth in it's most stripped down form, is simply about our civil rights. The idea that we hold as a value, an unfettered right to love whom and how we choose, without a dictating, controlling, or limiting hand. I imagine that is a goal most would support.
So it is with the above in mind, identification as a gay Republican for example, confuses me, as I see it as pandering, selling out. However those are my own political beliefs, and should not automatically be the mantra of a collective gay community on the basis of its "progressive" attributes. The rights of gay republicans, gay hairdressers, sports players, and every other variety of gay person are equal under the constitution. It is our own community where the equality line begins to blur.
Individual decisions are, by design, fully and totally autonomous. This is a hallmark and unifying principle, and all of our freedoms in this country are built upon it. It must be afforded as much respect as any other fundamental right we realize at our core. The grounding philosophy in gay liberation was always based on perusing a goal of equality within greater society. Like most social movements, theory and practice, at some point will deviate.
Enter the concept of assimilation. Although some may call it strategy, assimilation in so far as “being just like them” does not work. Many times the idea of an on par existence to greater society, is at the core of unease present in those who wish to deny rights to gays and lesbians. Assimilation with the end goal of an earned acceptance, serves to be a divisive factor in any progressive movement. It presumes the want of acceptance is based upon a valid and legitimate societal denial of that acceptance. Without directly challenging the legitimacy of the denial, it effectively says that gays need to "prove their worth".
Historically, that has been a problem with the African American movement, the women's movement, and virtually every other minority movement in this countries history. Part of the reason the women's movement and the civil rights movement have seen the moderate success they have, has resulted from addressing that problem. Specific effectiveness occurred only when the movements operated from the premise that their fundamental rights are immutable, not something to be "earned".
The reality of most gays and lesbians is, and always has been, that the majority of us are average citizens, whom most straight individuals would have no clue what our sexual orientation was, unless we specifically told them. That may be the reality, however the following is the seminal point many seem to have forgotten. “Passing” is not an attribute that defines a gay persons worth, nor is it a marker of “better than”.
What is concerning today, is that many from our community seem to have adopted the belief that our exclusion from aspects of life we aspire to, is a result of stereotypical or “bad" behavior on the part of some gay people. This thesis is flawed in several aspects. Certainly behaviors occur that are destructive, and I refer to mainly the gay male community, as the women, like usual, seem to have quite a heads up in relational ability.
Though as destructive as some behavior can be, it is a very misinformed analogy when the lack of human rights advances are placed on the shoulders of those not in the "mainstream". Fundamental justice principles view rights in an individual, not a collective perspective. That to is how they are written, litigated and decided. At least in theory.
Can behavior support and encourage cultural insensitivity and stereotype? Of course. But again, that is a price we pay for having the right to live a life free from prosecution on a basis of personal deportment. Whatever some individual gay men and women do or don’t do, is not inherently tied into cultural worth. There will always be stereotypes. Because stereotypes exist for a reason. And there is nothing inherently wrong with the gay stereotype of an effeminate man or a butch woman. They may at times seem limiting, and they may have been a historical root of much bigotry and assumption, but the response to those false beliefs, is one that defines liberalism for me.The idea that those images and stereotypes need to be defended and protected on a stronger scaler, never sold down the river.
For whatever reason, there will always be those in any community who are not mainstream, who theoretically could not exist in mainstream society. We see that in elements of the gay community, as well as every other attribute focused community. It is exactly for such reasons, we must have a strong united movement. If not by issue, then by principle.
Because when most of us exist along with regular culture day in day out, resentment often builds slowly to those “stereotypical” gays. It becomes easier and easier to marginalize and separate, and soon it becomes an exacting demonstration of a dynamic which those who now embrace, once had been committed to fighting against. This is the most damaging thing we can do as people from a community with a history of oppression. Since it effectively legitimizes the oppression, thus feeding off an identical framework.
"They aren’t like us, therefore they are less than". That mindset demonstrates the following:
A denial of access, based on a flawed and subjective assignment of what confers a right to access.
That is key, as it is one of the hallmarks of all forms of minority discrimination in this country. It was the wrong equation then, it is the wrong equation in 2007, and it will always be the wrong equation in the eyes of people who truly understand, support, and demand equality.
If It Looks New, It Is
Sunday, July 20, 2008 Yes, if the site look a little different, it should. Today is the release of squarespace version 5, a new era in personal blogging and web site management. And no, I don't work for the company, I just sound annoyingly like it. Seriously, I have no affiliation with the rising internet company, except for my experience with them over the past year. Which, I will say, has been second to none.
Version five, the largest release yet, offers an entire host of options that are regular features on most multi purpose and large websites, but rarely offered for blogging platforms, even the big ones. Add to that, some of the most creative, visually appealing, and classy web designs (okay and my passion for minimal design isn't hurting either), and I highly recommend you check out squarespace. With just a few mouse clicks you can start setting up a site in minutes.
They offer a 14 day trial of all aspects of the software, no credit card number required. After the trial, you can sign up, either for a yearly or monthly fee, and maintain your website on a great hosted platform. Prices for personal sites are in three tiers, and run from seven through seventeen dollars a month. In my opinion, it is worth every penny.
On Web Mail & Demonstrations of Humanity
Sunday, July 20, 2008 So I thought since my email purge is taking what is now the better part of two days, and there is a possible end in sight, I would share some of the fun ones. I know, kind of a lame choice for someone who enjoys, or tells himself he does anyway, creating well thought out pieces of writing.
But is it a lame choice? The answer to that question, is not at all up to me. That, is what I love about writing and reading. The idea that a high brow, well informed and sophisticated deconstruction of 1930's British class structure, can, in subjective quality, be nothing more than a dirty looking piece of coal when placed beside something that has moved, changed, humbled, or otherwise altered a reader.
What I have found through that, is that even personal email takes on a completely different tone; especially when the recipient or the writer is no longer with us.
I found this email in David's files. It was from my friend and occasional co writer to the site, Karen, who had been recovering in hospital from unexpected, minor surgery. She wrote it to David this past July, only two months before he died. Even at the time, we were barely aware he was ill. With Karen's permission, I reprint it here.
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Thank you so much for that beautiful flower arrangement and the very mouth watering lemon squares. To be honest, they're gone! I'd love to say it was all Dan (the fucking pig), but I'm afraid most of it was me. They were very good.
Seriously though, it was such a nice gesture, and I thank you guys so much. It really brightened my night. Well, that and the Demerol. I'm sure Al told you about my, shall we say, lengthy phone conversations. After bending your ear for an hour or two, I called everyone in my phone book. Including Samantha, my chatty best friend from high school ~ who now lives in Singapore! I wonder if the phone company would accept "not responsible by way of narcotic haze"?
Thanks again.
Love,
Karen
By the way, David made the best lemon squares ever!
I Think I Sense A Theme
Friday, July 18, 2008 Wow. This one kind of took me off guard today. I don't know what it is about personal sites, but lately they have provided more than endless fodder for content. As happens every four months or so, I felt the need to get rid of the excess on my computer and therefore went on a huge delete fest of unnecessary files, emails etc.
In the email deletes I came across one from a guy who used to be my best friend. I say "used to", as even though we are still friends, for a while now he has been going through some serious issues, and neither lives close, nor do we have a lot of contact. But friends, always....
At any rate, I came across an email with the subject heading - New Profile: what do you think? - Though strangely embarrassing, I admit, we would occasionally run our profile text by each other, asking for genuine constructive critique, and of course giving brutal hatchet jobs instead. For those of you who have read me since I started this online adventure, you will immediately know this is in reference to Steve. The specific change he was making to his text was due to a rather amusing case of mistaken identity. The last paragraph should provide a bit of clarity. And yes, it is scary how much of a resemblance there actually was. Funny enough, these days I miss that. Thinking of you Steve...
Enjoy the flashback.
Pointbreak says:
"Laid back and easygoing most of the time, serious and opinionated only some of the time. After an extended break, and traveling aimlessly to "find myself" (no such luck), I'll be returning to PhD studies in the fall. So I guess this is where i talk about me. Let's see, I've been told I am / have: an LL Bean vibe, like the outdoors, big into rugby, and surfing when I can. I'm here looking for all types of guys for friendship. Love to have friends of all backgrounds, as long as honesty, confidence and a passion for something are part of your makeup. To be my friend I could care less what you look like, as long as you are ok with what you look like!
Sexually, I'm looking for guys with a non forced masculinity, (ie it is not defined by an "outfit"), someone who is at home in his own skin, and has an appreciable confidence. I'm HIV negative, your status is fine either way, as long as discussion and mutual respect are occurring.
Two things that will cause me to have no interest are people who engage racism or other bigotry in their lives, or if you don't see that a woman's right to choose is just that, and it's as important as any gay rights struggle.
By the way, to avoid any more nasty emails telling me i live in Toronto: NO! bluecubto is not my brother, or using my pictures, or me in a different add, or vice versa. That is Al, best friend from Toronto, and yes we do look somewhat alike and have many similar characteristics. Yes, including the guys we like. And yes to the next question too :)"
Well, You Did Ask Nicely
Wednesday, July 16, 2008 Since my post on CCR5 mutations and HIV immunity, several of you have asked so many intelligent, insightful, and surprisingly theory heavy questions around this issue, that I thought I would dedicate a few posts to it in the hopes of answering many of those questions.
Well, no better time like the present! Therefore for today's post I attempted many of the most frequent questions for this article. Now, it is your turn. Remember, nothing is too off limits, as I strongly feel if I am putting it out there to discuss, I need to answer what reasonably comes up.
Sorry for not posting this sooner, but the questions were very layered ones, and I wanted to spend a bit of time on them before I responded. I'm gathering from many of the emails there is a potential this could be personally relateable? Many of you wonder how you can still be negative in light of some of your memories around activities.
I'll attack the topic by offering the situations I would recommend a patient tested for CCR5, and then get into specifics that relate to the ethics of CCR5 as a routine test.
It needs to be kept in mind that the majority of MD's and others practicing primary care in America, and specifically if it is a family practice situation with no further post graduate training or certification in HIV care, the response you are likely to hear is "Uhm….CCR what"?
I don't exaggerate. My intention is not to pat myself on the back when I state that my reality of public health training is six plus years of undergrad and post grad education and critical care paramedic certification. By virtue of that, my field of knowledge surrounding new treatments is, by necessity, very broad. An unfortunate reality for a number of doctors is that beyond medical school and internship, the opportunities for continued quality education are not held in high regard, or not seen as important by the ones who manage the profession.
So, ones chance of getting a health worker who knows that CCR5 has something remotely important to do with HIV, as well as one who is professionally supported by structures that would make that test an option, are not likely to happen if one is outside of a major city and without a graduate medical training program. Therefore, even though it is a completely unacceptable reality in 2008, this is not changing anytime soon.
Now that we're done with the tone of the professional environment backdrop, if you came to me and asked about a test for a mutation of CCR5, I would answer according to the following guidelines that are now being supplied. Keep in mind, the practitioner must personally request the assistance of these guidelines from the CDC. Therefore, it is unlikely they are being used by most medical practices.
- You have within the past three familial generations, an ancestry that is tied to Northern Europe . (found in UK, Scotland, Ireland, Scandinavia, Germany, Switzerland, Austria and Russia). If you didn't have that trait any partial or full lineage from those places, then you aren't a candidate for testing as it is not thought to exist in anyone but those mentioned. Reasons for the solidity of belief in this area is the interesting connection those who share the mutation have with rats of centuries past England. Specifically, immunity to bubonic plague. HIV immunity is directly related to that which provides immunity to the black death. The discovery of this on anthropological grounds lead to the discovery of CCR5 in HIV immunity.
- A history of more than three high risk sexual activities with an HIV + individual or one that is likely to be thought +, resulting in the same number of HIV negative test results. Over a minimum of 18 months. Reasons for the time line would be that 94% of people, if they are going to seroconvert, do so at 3 months. 99.9% of people will do so at 6 months. So we need to wait to see each time, if in fact it will be a negative test.
- In a case like myself, an extended history with someone HIV positive but unaware they were infected (for me it was three years), with consistent unprotected sex, and a confirmed negative result post six months as well as currently, lends itself to an overwhelmingly strong suggestion of immunity and would justify a lab result right away.
- Never say never. In other words, if I as a health care practitioner don't quite see the need, however my patient seems particularly stoked on the idea he or she may be immune, I'll normally recommend the test be ordered. The exception would be the small minority of patients who have a vested interest in the drama around waiting for a test result. That may sound strange, but anyone in the field can tell you the first time they had a shrieking, crying "my life is over" client come in for an HIV test, or any other test that references a condition where there exists a lot of judgment and stigma. By the fifth or sixth time in the same amount of months, it's clear attention is the motivation. And this is specific to every aspect of health care, not just HIV.
You ask about cost, and yes that is a factor as it is well into the thousands, as it is a detailed genetic mapping and typing that is used very, very rarely.
Lastly, the reason that this has never been pushed as an issue in a patient advocate sense, is similar to the current flap over PEP, (post exposure prophylaxis - the HIV "morning after pill"). This is discouraged as many think we would be tacitly validating unsafe choices. Or so goes the current mantra / shame based morality play.
If you haven't guessed, that is what we in public health call "incorrect framing". Because with PEP, we would be providing an alternative for the individual who, for whatever reason, made a choice they would normally not have made. This is not treatment that is geared towards those who routinely practice unprotected sex.
Detractors of PEP, and detractors of CCR5 testing, usually subscribe to the current urban legend that wants us to believe that it's overwhelmingly the "I just slipped up one time" negative guy who has unknowingly been taken advantage of by the drooling, slutty and twisted poz pig. Funny thing is, all the current research overwhelmingly points to other conclusions.
But there is still a purpose to that dynamic for those who engage it, isn't there? It will usually set up the required level of tension, and often increase the divide between poz and neg gay men even more so than is already present. Funny too, that is also not the reality I see when I spend four hours a week, like I have for the last ten years, taking HIV tests, and in two weeks giving results. And yes, often I am telling someone they are positive.
What I have been finding for many years now, is that most don't need me to tell them, as the result is usually not a surprise. As many have been regularly avoiding condoms and having unprotected sex for years. The reason we often see a problem in high number reports when these men are tested, is because that test is occurring only when they feel as if they can actually face a positive result. That's why many "negative men" haven't been tested in three or more years.
I want to close with a very clear statement. Before anyone climbs up on the tall, shining horse of moral authority and decrees that the above behavior is "bad", please realize that it is in every way considered to be both a normative response to the event, as well as a very human response to the event. In other words, chances are, you are likely to behave similar, given the circumstance.
In light of that reality, the idea that a test for a genetic marker affecting 1% of the population will lead otherwise good little gay boys to go tearing down to the slings at the tubs, I see as misguided and not recognizing what we know about sexual realities and human behavior. There is a long held and brilliant idea that has informed much of our not so brilliant attempts at prevention. It is knowledge = power. Last I checked, that had never become open to variables. We need to ensure it never does.
Sorry the length of this is akin to War and Peace, but it is a bit of a complex issue.
Just What The Net Needs
Tuesday, July 15, 2008 More easy as pie website applications!
Never one to get especially excited about new applications in the social networking realm, I took on Twitter after some prodding. Yeah, what a complete cult like drinking game flashback to second year that was. I'm sorry, it makes me nervous, very nervous. Because really, I don't care what you are wearing when you do your laundry, before you groom your cat!
And no facebook people, I don't want to be your friend. Go away strange cling on person. Even if we do have two contacts in common from thirty years ago.
Evil, Facebook person breathlessly says. "How cool is that?
Sorry to put a damper on it, but ~ not very.
And then came tumblr.
In the case of blueAlto (reloaded), very simply, tumblr, is a combination of media formats, all taken directly from published work on bluealto, but presented in an extremely different style, one that previews work through various site boxes. Turns out is a real innovative blog application that allows users to post text, images, videos, audio, quotes, chats, and a multitude of other features. The best thing in my opinion? The original, minimal, yet alternative and divergent theme choices available to a completely free site.
Check out the blueAlto (reloaded page). Maybe even get one of your own!
Full Length Mirror ~ Required
Tuesday, July 15, 2008 Not a major fan of social networking sites in general, there is a brand new combination dating site, discussion forum site that is Toronto specific. It's a place that I see a lot of potential in, as there have been some quality discussions in the forums, with intelligent, considered responses, and the membership appears to be diverse.
It's always refreshing to see a site for gay men that has a demonstrated respect for each other emphasized through tone, through interaction and through the things the membership supports, or admonishes in another member. As a collective, we don't share the most stellar history of supporting each other. Judgmental, sweeping assumptions aside.
Perhaps though, I spoke too soon. Going to the site today, I checked the forums and there was an active discussion of sexual choices / sexual interests, and what can be considered mainstream, or "fringe". A member had expressed his interest in an activity that was admittedly fringe, and he expressed his ambivalence with being open about his interest. Within minutes, the barrage of email this man received (in the forums) was often hateful, snide, ignorant and ill informed, based on nothing but ugly, untrue stereotype.
Looking at the overall picture here, I was struck by two things.
- The level and strength of anti gay hate in gay people (and lets make no mistake, that's what this dynamic is really all about).
- The sheer lack of willingness by other members to get involved and call out the bullies.
Let's face it guys, with regard to number 2, we really need to do better here.
I thought about how the above applied both to me and my responsibility in these discussions, and to the membership as a group. Then I posted a letter to the more obnoxious commenter, (which I have no doubt will be the initial cause for the flame war I will not be taking part in). As they say, best to pick your real battles. But I challenge anyone who is involved in these sites, if you see abusive or threatening behavior occurring, mention it to the staff, or if you feel you can and feel comfortable, the victim. Takes less than five minutes.
This was the response I posted in the above thread to the married man and father who cheats with men on his unsuspecting wife.
Funny, when I view your arrogant and dismissive invective, sent of course from behind the cover of computer screen, it only begs the question: Who, exactly, are you to questions another mans sexual proclivities? I assume the answer to that, from your profile details anyway, would be "A married, secretly gay father who is promiscuously cheating on his unaware wife?"
Next time, might I suggest you consider your own baggage laden existence before you engage oppressive anti sex paradigms and shame based morality plays on another person.
Good luck with the whole closeted / deceitful thing though. I'm guessing you are going to need it
So, as I said, I challenge all gay men out there: If you want a respectful space, a place to come and be accepted, a place to be heard, then please, take a part in creating it. One way is to call out the BS that none of us support. I personally think that doing and creating, instead of ripping up and tearing down, will often go a long way in relieving that type of damage.
Your Four Letters?
Sunday, July 13, 2008 I'm actually an ENFP, even though most people would assume I am an ENTP. No doubt you're asking yourself what the hell he's babbling about now. A new on line fetish index perhaps? No, not today.
Actually, what ENFP and ENTP refer to, is my result on a personality assessment, one that uses a tool called The Myers Briggs Index. The Myers Briggs type indicator test is a personality assessment tool used to aid in career decisions, human resources, relationship counseling, and a host of other functions. Based on the sixteen dominant archetypal traits developed by Carl Jung, it is the most commonly used personality assessment tool in North America.
Having an undergraduate degree in sports psychology, I am familiar with a wide variety of these assessment tools. Some are well formulated and based on extensive theory, and some are completely full of hooey. In critically comparing my own personality traits to the results of the Myers Briggs assessment, I have found it to be a very accurate and consistently reliable tool. In general, the test is based on how one navigates the four prominent domains of :
1) Manifested Affect: Extroversion or Introversion
2) `Information Processing: Sensing or Intuition
3) Decision Arrival: Thinking or Feeling
4) Formative Structure: Judging or Perceiving
The following is a description of my Myers Briggs "type". As I indicate above, since I first took the test over eighteen years ago, it has been a very accurate assessment in so far as describing the main traits of my personality. My ranking on the tool consistently notes an extremely high affinity with the dominant ENFP type traits. In other words, I'm a "classic" ENFP. From the Myers Briggs Foundation website:
ENFP's are introspective, cooperative, informative, and expressive. They have a strong desire to make their thoughts known to the world. When ENFP's speak or write, they are often hoping to use their convictions to motivate others to participate in advocacy or they hope to reveal a hidden truth about the human experience. Greatly concerned with ethics and justice and have as trong desire to speak about current issues and events, they are the most inspiring and animated of the role variants.
ENFP's are very individualistic and they feel a need to experience significant social events, and consider intense emotional experiences to be vital to life and view the world as a drama. They are constantly seeking to learn about everything that has to advancement of good and the retreat of evil in the world.
ENFP's are keen observers of the people around them. They have exceptional intuitive abilities and are capable of intensely concentrating on a particular individual. Often able to read hidden emotions and to place significance on the actions of others, they are constantly scanning their social environment and intriguing characters are not likely to escape their attention. Their attention is usually active rather than passive. ENFP's are sensitive and alert to what is possible.
ENFP's are warm, energetic, spontaneous, positive, exuberant and dramatic. Other individuals usually find these personality qualities to be attractive and often want to be in the company of the ENFP. They usually have highly developed people skills and get along well with their colleagues.
When you have some time, why don't you take the online multiple choice assessment which will tell you which of the sixteen archetypes you are. If you decide to take the test, it is always helpful to read the background and theory on The Myers Briggs Inventory tool, at the Myers Briggs Foundation website. Let me know what you score as.
Exam Time: Don't Write What You Know
Saturday, July 12, 2008 The following is the most recent example of a largely positive experience my role as teacher provided me while instructing the full first year course, Identity & Experience: Examples Of Trait Based Discrimination In Modern Literature. A unique experience, teaching a combination of several aspects of American literature, the core humanities, and cultural studies.
It is a course meant to reference how fictional or non fictional examples of modern writings apply to how individuals and groups experience specific oppression, based on any of four central pillars of identity, those being gender, ethnicity (or as some prefer to call it, race), sexual orientation, and class.
Meant to provide both theoretical understanding of advanced concepts in the academic domains of feminism, gender studies, race relations, and what has become billed "queer" studies, as well as fine tuning ones ability to apply an intuitive and empathetic understanding to how those theories are experienced.
Obviously, those are goals that create certain prohibitive aspects when teaching in an objective sense, those understandings. So, in what was largely a very clear way of testing my own suitability for faculty level instructor status, I was given the task of developing what, for this new course, would be the final term exam.
In an example of a very insightful and amusing opinion, my lead professor correctly identified that task as being one with two specific outcomes. One, if successful, it would be seen as providing several examples of privilege, in opportunities that would be available to me. Two, if viewed as failing in that task, the way that would be realized? Until the end of my career, it would be a clear example of the reason I would be considered as never beyond anything but a shitty teacher. Obviously, a daunting way to view what would be a very important task.
In what was a very risky way to approach it, I did so in a way that would only result in an extreme example of one of the above outcomes. Thankfully, it was one I've since discovered was viewed overwhelmingly as an example of successfully meeting the task. And in what is the point behind this article, it was also an example of a few specific experiences that students have identified as large ones in their academic history, which provided insights around things they didn't expect, or ever really let themselves consider before.
The best way to describe this would be through what were my direct instructions to students writing the final exam.
Welcome to the final exam for Modern Literature/Core Humanities 101:
Identity & Experience: Examples Of Trait Based Discrimination In Modern Literature.
This exam takes the form of two specific questions, each equally weighted, and added together to form fifty per cent of your overall course mark, applied at the end of the term. The following are the specific directions that need to be followed very closely, if your answers are to be viewed as successfully meeting the specific objectives behind the questions.
Question #1.
You need to apply your advanced understanding of the theoretical concepts of gender, orientation, ethnicity, and class, as they apply in the novel The Handmaids Tale by Margaret Atwood. Your answer should equally address the four theory domains of gender, ethnicity, orientation, and class, and be no more than two thousand words, constructed in essay format, and not requiring specific textual attributions. Remember that this question is only meant to assess your academic understanding of specific theory, not your personal view of the relevance of that specific theory.
Question #2.
Is a question that again addresses your ability to apply your understanding of the same theoretical concepts of gender, ethnicity, orientation, and class, but this time, in an intuitive and empathetic understanding of how they relate to a perception of personal identity.
This next part of the description, is a very important aspect of how you answer this question. The specific vantage point you answer from, will be based solely on a hypothetical abstraction. One which is specific to the identity described on the fifth page of your exam booklet. It is an individually specific assignment of an identity that is based only on the fact of it not being something that applies in any way to you. For example, if you view yourself as a white, male, heterosexual, those are specific identities you must not answer from.
My specific way of evaluating these answers, has been designed to be intentionally very flexible, and is based on the expectation your answer will correctly apply what has been described to you above.
Two Things To Be Aware Of:
One, that any answer similar to "that's not my experience, so I can't answer that question", will be met with a specific grade of zero, for that portion of the exam, and therefore will result in a mark below the sixty per cent required grade for successful completion of the exam.
Two, I offer some advice. In completing the second question, most people will be met with a natural tendency to reject what is not their own experience with identity. Your ability to be successful at that question, is largely dependent on your ability to work through that first rejection you will feel. Give yourself a few minutes to focus on just that.
Good luck.
I should say that when it came time to write that final exam, both semesters of students could almost be heard making audible gasps, as they read the instructions. Though after getting centered around the idea, and after the majority received a very well deserved high mark in that question, the exam was one largely experienced as positive.
Certainly there were examples of students viewing it as completely unfair, and as one student put it, "just another example of unfairly indoctrinating the student body with the most leftist kinds of liberalist bullshit to hit university campuses". Fair to say, that students answer was one too specifically vague in their attempt to understand anything beyond their own tightly held little opinion. Also fair to say, that's a common type of statement from the students who, from the first day of class, sit in the back row, with crossed arms reflective of their intention to disagree with everything said in the course. A real fun breed of student to teach.
The more common responses were ones that had varying levels of unique and largely unexpected personal reactions, in how the experience offered them something they viewed as personally very positive. For me, that was an example of what I meant when I described the subtle, and unique ways positive student teacher experiences commonly occur.
Some Things Are Never Funny, Period
Thursday, July 10, 2008 Like many gay men who have enjoyed a rich and multi colored experience with their own sexuality, I have had some memorable experiences. Translated, that is polite code for my way of referring to the obligatory "sluttish phase". In my case, a rather lengthy and experience laden time period. That, however, is another story.
In my most active period of "sowing my oats" I had more than a few profiles on the on line dating sites. For many reasons, priority changes, personal confidence increases, finding more stable and permanent outlets, I learned that an ability to accomplish the same ends does not always require itself to be garnered while Online. Because of that, most of those profiles have now been canceled, or the dominant text has been changed to indicate interests more friendship based, less sexually focused.
Therefore it is always a bit of a shock when I receive a message from one of the Internet's current X rated gay welcoming committee members. You know the type. Their primary picture is....let's just say usually never the face, and the descriptions of what they like to do, how they like to do it, and whom they like to do it to, frequently run close to novella length. One element I always find particularly amusing, is the oh so similar carnally focused, run on sentence narrative, liberally peppered with terms such as nasty, raunchy, pig, twisted, hell yeah, etc. etc! The infinite combination of no more than twelve words, seven grunts, and eleven hundred ways to say "twisted".
So it is usually no surprise when I receive a certain style of email from one of these guys. Usually never a hello, or an introduction, or a name offering. No, apparently it is much easier, and one would assume more successful, to describe in detail how they would enjoy it if they could "nail my ass into next week". Usually I just see these emails as inappropriately funny and annoyingly bold, and respond with a quick but polite note explaining that they may wish to move on to other trees and begin a new round of barking. And that, is normally all it takes. Normally.
However there is one specific type of response that will do an exacting job of making my blood boil, and launching me into one pedantic, defensive, and overbearing asshole. That would be a response which is even remotely suggestive of murky consent barriers, or sometimes even the bolder suggestion of rape. The "rape is hot" crowd, who reach their sexual Nirvana through scenes with obvious or implied power dynamic differences.
Let me be clear here. If that is how you and your partner both freely decide to sexually engage, then I have nothing to say on the matter. However when you email a stranger making those suggestions, "freely decide" is out the window. When I, or anyone else opens that email, you have absolutely no idea as to my or their history of, politics around, or personal experience with the reality of rape. That is not simply rude or bad manners. In my mind, it can be a form of assault.
Harsh? You bet! Have I been raped myself? No I have not. Though I have experienced the shock, pain, grief, anger, debasement, and collective chaos that those close to a rape victim will, to some extent, always go through. Which is why, when you send me an email such as the one below, do not be surprised at my response.
This is only a very small portion of the manic, run on screed that awaited me in my inbox this morning.
Hey Hot Fucker,
....OINK! U and your bud are hot! How about you watch me tie (name of friend) up in a dog cage, and then when I rape the whore and split open his nasty ass, then you could .....
Mr. Best Social Skills of 2008 then offers a lovely closing of "Twisted, hey fucker", signing off as FilthRaunchBBPigFkr.
Lovely. As I have said, inappropriate, I will dismiss. Vapid, I will laugh at. Rude, I normally ignore. A suggestion of a form of assault and violence that carries the current and historical baggage that rape carries? I will never let that go lightly. This was today's response.
Dear FilthRaunchBBPigFkr
In your recent email to me you stated:
"Twisted hey". Here you were referring to your descriptions of the rape of a friend of mine.
Actually no, not twisted at all. Lame, insecure, suggestive of pathology, anti social, illegal, and not to mention, intensely misogynist. Clearly, you are about as socially aware as Charles Manson. But when you describe and articulate common rape narratives that involve people I care about, I will view that as
1. Aggressively rude and disrespectful.
2. About as far removed from anything to do with sex as one can get.
3. A very passive aggressive style of mind game that is usually based in severe and discordant power dynamics.For whatever reason, you have completely misread my vibe. So I need to be clear. I have no doubt that we are in every way socially and sexually incompatible. You may view that as harsh and "not getting your joke", or feel that my views are aggressively and prohibitively PC. Fine, your opinion I suppose.
However when it comes to rape - joking or not joking, it is a vibe I will *always* take seriously, and *never* find funny. Period. Perhaps after this email is copied to this sites administration, you will have reason to view it as I do.
All the best.
So here are a few questions to ponder. Was I wrong to copy the site? What would you have done? What, if anything, should site management do?
On Mountains, Memoirs & Paella
Tuesday, July 8, 2008 Early Saturday evening saw me contemplate a light dinner, but instead relax on the balcony, attempting unsuccessfully to finish the new Douglas Coupland novel, The Gum Thief. Unsuccessfully, not because the book isn't up to par; it more than is. Like Hey Nostradamus, one of Couplands earlier novels, I predict this is a book that has not yet hit it's stride. So no, I couldn't blame the book for my inability to be pulled into the pages. Simply, I was restless.
This past weekend was one of those odd times when everyone; friends, strangers and others, had left town. And damn it, I wanted to do something. Weighing my options, I settle on what will be a leisurely walk to mid town, where I'll order up Jamaican food, eat in the park, and then take Singher to the bright, shiny new dog park we haven't made it to yet. The insane canine and I will make our own fun.
Literally an inch from being out the door, the phone harshly intones that annoyingly presumptive ring. A shrill, "Answer me, Answer me"!
Yes, that really is how annoying I find that ring. I reach it on the third, offering a very nonplussed and deadpan hello.
Strangely, I hear very clearly the voice of my friend, Chloe. Strangely, because there is no annoying two second intercontinental delay, and there is also no static that could wake the Gods. As was defiantly the case two months ago when I last spoke to Chloe. From Tibet.
"Hey, great to hear from you. Let me guess, you are in a yurt that has upgraded to digital phone service"? I tease.
"Well, no."
"Okay, are you in Europe for a break, where are you"?
"Well why don't you press nine and see for yourself. I'm in your lobby silly"!
The volume and strength of my "Get the fuck up here" sent Singher into barks and spastic jumps, culminating thirty seconds later with a sprint down the hall. A sprint towards the woman who hands down, in my dogs eyes, owns the title of "favorite paramedic partner". As Chloe receives big, blathering, doggy kisses, and I look at the face, and into the eyes of a woman I haven't seen in a year and a half, I realize I am with Singher on that assessment. The awareness that I have missed this person tremendously hits physically, and with full force. She is in my arms as the first tear escapes.
As I sniffle and snort into Chloes shoulder, she attempts to soothingly comfort. "Oh honey, you've had a lifetime in one short year".
And with that soothing I am immediately reminded that this is the first time I have seen my former paramedic partner since....Well, since I lost the other person I called my partner. Now, the tears flow freely; I make no attempt to contain them.
An hour later, seated on the patio at Segovia, we are tasting the first sips of what will prove to be many pitchers of Sangria, while the expertly prepared Paella Vallencia is served. Slowly, leisurely, we catch up, we laugh, we cry. I talk about losing David, she apologizes profusely for not making it back. There are more tears, tempered with smiles, when she begins to understand that I really am doing okay. And when Chloe describes the sensation of reaching the summit of Everest, I am the one who cries, as she assures me that yes, she did have it in her pocket. The worn picture of the three of us on the summit in Jasper. David was in the middle, between Chloe and I.
As she continues, the woman who has just climbed Everest is holding back tears. "It's buried on the south face, with all the other shots and Polaroids and notes of the ones that never got to make the climb".
I am reminded, rather brutally, how much this must mean to her as well. I had completely forgotten that almost fifteen years ago, after university, David had been this woman's preceptor, as Chloe first began her EMT program. He was so proud when ten years later, she (and I), graduated from the provincial critical care flight paramedic program.
Modulating just a little, as I need for the seriousness to show, I lock in on my friends eyes, and offer a thank you from the heart. Meaning it, more than I ever have before.
Throughout the night there are more memories, some laughter and a few tears. Though we smile often, and the memories feel good.
Bringing myself back to a needed reality, I ask, "So, when are you headed back"?
Chloe has recently accepted a position as senior paramedic at the Everest Base Camp.
Slowly, methodically, with a deep breath she begins. "Well..."
I really don't like the tone of that.
"Al, I'm not going back".
Inhaling deeply, I am set to protest. But before I can, the widening smile, and a slight release of tension in the shoulders tells me all I need to know.
Slack jawed, all I can offer is, "Fuck! So you really applied"?
"And I got in"!
Her child like sequel of an announcement manages to turn the heads of at least two surrounding tables, though we are oblivious. Instead, we pour more Sangria, and toast to my good friend and former partner Chloe. Since she is now, after me of course, the second flight paramedic from our former base to be accepted into the Master Of Fine Arts in creative writing at one of Canada's top tier schools. Funny enough, the one I just graduated from.
Beaming, unable to hide my bursting pride and joy (as this application was at great prodding from yours truly), I imagine I did a poor job of feigning annoyance, when I make the following comment.
"This better not become a trend.".
We both pretend to make a mental note telling ourselves we will do what we can to ensure this experience remains unique. After the laughter subsides, I hold the gaze of my friend and former partner for slightly longer than is necessary. Smiling, I offer congratulations to a brilliant writer. One who will only become better. The growing awareness that my very good friend is very much back in my life, slowly solidifies itself, and I smile just a bit wider.
Things, it seems, might finally be coming around.
Never In A Million Years
Monday, July 7, 2008 Did I think I would be saying or writing the following sentence. Ocountymommy, for once you are right. Yes, you heard me correctly. Our resident Concerned Woman For America, the woman who shares a personal relationship with Jesus that is infinitely better than yours is or ever will be, has made a declarative statement (in the comments section of this post), that is factually accurate. Unfortunately, that is the only way it is accurate, and then only with some needed clarification.
The statement? Men do not have children. And in case the concerned woman was looking for an answer beyond "it isn't done", it would be because the lack of ovaries and a uterus will preclude a man from female procreative ability. Though the last time I checked, the ability to become pregnant, to carry a child to term, and to vaginally give birth to said child, is never germane to the definition of a woman.
When I was six years old, my mother lost her ability to ever conceive again due to a preventive, radical hysterectomy. How, specifically, is she any less of a woman? I will offer that she is not, and those who would choose to define her gender in such rigid and essentialist ways, need to understand that in the both the somatic and psychiatric realms of medicine, much is still being learned regarding both gender and sex. It is fair to say that the definitive text on the matter is far from being written. So until then Ocountymommy, might I suggest a swim in the deep end a bit more often.
Conversely, simply because Thomas Beatie was born with normal female secondary sex characteristics, in no way implies that he does not completely realize himself as male. The fact that he delayed his transition to the accurate gender he knows himself to be at his core, all in order to realize his ability to biologically parent, speaks to resolve, empathy for another, and an open, willing heart. Not to gender, not to stability, and not to anything but his desire to ethically raise another human being with the person he has committed his life to.
I'm surprised and a bit confused ocountymommy, because that sounds exactly like a person you would normally be very proud of.
The Right Approach
Sunday, July 6, 2008 What is it? In this context I refer to dealing with intention and need. An approach which offers assistance based on need, not a loopy, circuitous attempt at ones own personal redemption via assistance to another. My opinion here is arrived at through personal observation, and could be seen as unfairly cynical in the description. Stay with me.
I think most people who do not regularly give of themselves, when they do get involved, have a very internal motivation for helping those in need. That is often to “show they care”, show they realize the inherent in