Main Journal - bluealto

Grief & Loss,

David

13 Comments

07.6.2008

3:18PM

The Right Approach

What is it? In this context I refer to dealing with intention and need. An approach which offers assistance based on need, not a loopy, circuitous attempt at ones own personal redemption via assistance to another. My opinion here is arrived at through personal observation, and could be seen as unfairly cynical in the description. Stay with me.

I think most people who do not regularly give of themselves, when they do get involved, have a very internal motivation for helping those in need. That is often to “show they care”, show they realize the inherent inequity in our cultural mosaic, and they just need to "give something back". That's one very common, usually transparent, rallying cry you hear from the do gooders at say, Christmas.

Another, and this presumptive bit of non realism has always been a trigger for me, is that the marginalized of society, the cast-outs, the homeless, the people our collective culture would rather step over than lend a hand to, have this transcendent ability through their tragic circumstance to gain profound wisdom and insight. The narrative goes on to assume they will always be willing to share this higher Zen sensibility they have crafted from the fallout of societal denial. Maybe, but I'm guessing instead of discussing the higher paradigms of self actualization, what one will eat, where one will sleep, and how one will worry about doing those tasks free of violence, would dominate the majority discourse. Call me pragmatic.

Having been a paramedic, and having worked in some of the most culturally and economically diverse parts of the globe, it has been an almost unconscious decision, occurring very naturally, to work with those deemed "not appealing", or the less harsh, "difficult to service client". It annoys me to no end when every holiday season, the people who want to "help" are often the same ones who every other day of the year, without so much as a thought, grind their heel into the man on the sidewalk with a dismissive "Move it! I'm late for my 12:30 appointment"!

An observation.

Last Friday, Reconnect, an organization which caters to the functionally mentally ill, opened its new part time office space at the community center where I sit on the board as director of program development. At the volunteer orientation, I was struck by the words spoken by the director of the organization, Nicole Annete. While this very engaging speaker expertly discussed how to de-escalate a potentially violent crisis, the men and women of my neighborhood begin to get that glossy, pale, "What in God's name did I sign up for" look across their tight faces. Not something all that surprising. The idea of a community center that has this type of mission makes for interesting, theory laden, and erudite discourse at cocktail hour. The reality is perhaps framed in a harsher light when you realize it is not just theory anymore. So I cannot help but look at Nicole and smile. I am so proud that this woman I have come to know, has taken the path she has.

Since white privilege and new money guilt run highest in the whitest and the richest, it is amusing that the coordinator of the Reconnect venture, is one of the most prominent, wealthy and powerful white women in Toronto. She also has stage four breast cancer. However, three days a week for the last three years, she has faithfully managed the grungy center on East Queen at Sherbourne. The same center now making its administrative home in the new community center in Rosedale, the most expensive residential area of Toronto One of the reasons I am proud of my friend, is that she has not been dragging her increasingly cancer ridden self to that grungy first floor, all the while planing the move, so she can have some redemptive event, or find "meaning". She is someone who really does get it.

Nicole gets it, because she has been able to arrive at a point in her life when she can say that where she is, is in no small part because she has been supremely lucky to have never known life crushing circumstance. The hell of addiction, or dramatic, situational induced poverty, maybe even making one wrong choice with a man who could have been the abusive father of her children. Perhaps being a victim of a brutal violence that robs every bit of personal strength from the soul of a woman. This woman is lucky, simply because, in some random way, she missed the lottery on the worst of all social sins, a biochemical reaction that causes one to be given the label of crazy. In a country where we pretend to believe the terms outpatient and prescription equal definitive health care, that can be a fate worse than death.

Really, it's a concept that is very simple. Having enough humility to look squarely at that which offends you in its painfully harsh brutality and say, "there but for grace of god go I". And to mean it.

In no small part, the result of a direct imparting from my parents and their experience, I have come to understand the phrase, if you talk it, walk it. Humility and offering assistance is not particularly special, overly noble, heroic, or even Christ like. It is something that we do because it is required, and in doing so keeps us in touch with our core humanity. Though sadly, many have harvested their ability to be able to walk by someone in need, someone truly without choice, and sneer.

While I'm confident many would have chosen another phrase, that is one fucking cold bag of karma. But we have all done it. When I catch myself doing it, I really try to listen to that, be humbled from it, and then do something to change it. Though expecting a "light bulb moment", or eternal thanks because I baked a goddamn ham, is a little disingenuous. Sadly, I have come to realize that for many, that is where the motivation often stems. And stays.

I firmly believe that the core of helping, of imparting something of value, is the lack of a return expectation. Because the truth is, those who need your help, like people in crisis centers, many times no thanks will be offered. Other, more base priorities dominate when you are in a bi polar crisis, or you are homeless, or you are being raped nightly in shelters. Or, you are just fucking higher than God on the drugs plus drano combo you just shot between your toes, all in an effort to find a few hours of solace.

That is only one reality of many when you help, and learn, from people less fortunate. So my point is that If it offends your sense of decorum, your finely crafted and insular space, please, don't do anyone any favors. Just be sure to send the sizable check. Don't worry, we will put your name on the wall.

Posted on

Jul 6, 2008 | by

Culture & Society

7 Comments

07.4.2008

6:40AM

Congratulations Mr & Mrs Beatie

For those of you who do not recognize the name of the couple in the title, let alone what I am congratulating them for, the main points can be summarized in this interview from The Advocate. Out of all the "journalism" that surrounds the birth of this couples first child, I find this piece is the least sensationalistic. Sad, but in 2008 I really felt that the fact that one of the parents was born a woman and has began the transition to change her gender, would be something that people would attempt to at least understand, if not support.

Thomas Beatie, the individual who has begun his gender transition, made the decision to carry the couples child to term. And yesterday, the child the couple had waited for made a healthy and timely appearance into the world. Though I can't help but wonder just what type of world we exist in when the default rhetoric from my supposed "progressive" community, is as full of vile invective as was demonstrated in this thread.

While this issue is one that usually brings my impatience with stupidity and bigotry to a level where any rational refute is something I am not capable of, yesterday, for whatever reason, I was.

The following is the comment that I submitted in defense of allowing this couple the simple luxury to rejoice in the birth of their first child.

First of all, for the rather insular and mouth breathing examples of mediocre intelligence that just can't get their thick heads around divergent concepts of what may constitute gender, in all its complex and fluid manifestations, try this one on for size:

America does not see a difference between Thomas Beatie and you. Why? Because the next time you take it up the ass, that, is in every way a flagrant violation of gender roles and norms according to the majority of your fellow citizens who would enjoy seeing you stripped of human rights. You fuck with the dominant paradigms of rigid and binary constructions, and do you really think there will be a measurable difference in their understanding of who you, vs. someone like Thomas Beatie is? That's why his oppression is your oppression, whether you agree or not. If you have let it slip your mind, we are not writing the play book here!

The very wonderful fact is that Thomas Beatie and his partner are the proud parents of a newborn. Despite your howls of "he is not a man because I say so". See how that works? Families can define for themselves who they are and how they identify and label. Can you not have the class, intellect and very human sense of grace to simply allow them that? Maybe even offer them congratulations on a wonderful addition to their life together. I really do not understand why that cannot be the default response here.

I will make a bold request here, and suggest that if you cannot offer this couple support, please, save us your offering of discussion points, and instead just shut the fuck up. Thank you in advance.

Posted on

Jul 4, 2008 | by

GLBT,

News & Current Eevnts

4 Comments

05.24.2008

1:33PM

Where Not To Have Deep Discussions

For whatever reason, and I'm not even going to attempt to figure that out, I woke up this morning with a particularly philosophical frame of mind. Thus, this entry addressing things I have often considered, though rarely, if ever, expressed. Ideas around the meaning of spirituality and soul.

At this point I feel it is important that we pause, and a full and obvious disclosure occur. No, I have not found God, nor have I found religion. Sorry to disappoint a few of you, but I am still searching for my extra car keys. I'm guessing a search for the divine, in my specific case, is an option not worth pursuing.

Actually, to be completely honest, a few friends and i were having a spirited discussion a few nights ago about organized religion in comparison to what is often called "secular spirituality", and the differences with which both view the concept of spirituality and soul. I know, your typical conversation that occurs at The Eagle at one in the morning. Needless to say, as friendly and inviting as the four of us may have appeared, with that topic, we were not exactly drawing a crowd. But hell, what are drunken bar pontifications and proclamations for, if not to clear a patio?

So before I venture into my contribution for the discussion, let me state: I am fully aware that when imparting complicated and layered opinion, I have on occasion, wrapped myself around that theoretical light pole. A twisted mess of competing ideas, sometimes even wrapped more than once. So I am making a specific attempt to write with a goal towards making this entry user friendly for both readers, and not least of all, myself.

Because I view spirituality separate in most every way from the limiting, and often judgmental experiences of God narratives and theological paradigms that tend to be centered in organized religion, I found coming up with a descriptive and relevant view of soul, a difficult task. So, I'm not really sure if I have a definition of soul. That's still a gray area for me. In terms of spirituality, I view it as something that has to do with the individual and his / her relationship with the greater universe. But to the extent that I feel I have a soul, that seems to be logically based in my identification since I was old enough to speak, as an Agnostic.

I'll try to frame it this way: If the universe (as a whole) is a big circle, then within that circle there's a box that is logically organized society, and within that, there's another circle that represents the individual soul. See, no light pole for me; it's been replaced with the vacant and obvious. My soul is local, and it is within me; it is my core identity in a spiritual context. I believe there is a connection between the circle in the middle; and the bigger circle at the horizon. They are both totalizing, rather than simply logical and organized.

The applicable part, you may ask? What I would hope for gay people (once and for all), and any other people who have experienced negative issues with core identity, is to realize that you, too, are a child of the universe. It was essential in producing you. Some people, with their tight, little rational boxes, will try to make you feel that either you aren't who you think you are, or perhaps you are who you think you are, that it's not good enough, or in other words, it's simply bad, end of discussion. Who exactly sets the parameters that dictate when that little discussion completion occurs? Conveniently, no one ever knows.

Ultimately, what we need to be doing for ourselves and others, is to come to the realization that we are exactly who we know ourselves to be. And what we are, providing its alignment is not interfering or negatively arcing another, is always perfectly okay. If that is simplistic, I say that is sometimes the point.

Or, as the rather lascivious and grizzled old queen with one too many drinks under her belt standing next to us said, when I effortlessly landed on that life affirming pronouncement:

"Oh blah blah! Life's too fucking short! Have a cocktail girlfriend, it's Friday"!

I'm taking that to mean I avoided the light pole. Even if barely.

Posted on

May 24, 2008 | by

GLBT,

05.21.2008

4:16PM

So Here It Is

No, not the fifth installment in The Letters Project. That comes tomorrow. Instead, this is something I have agonized in coming up with an appropriate introduction for. And since the gossip machine is in full swing, as email after email is reminding me, now is probably the best time.

But after trying for the better part of three days, I knew I would need help with this. So what does one do when they are a writer of the hopelessly self referential variety? Well, they look to things they have written before.

In my first piece that saw print publication, I penned a somewhat cynical and humoress send up of a personal add. Things We Want To Say But Never Do was never meant to be serious. After seeing it in print, I realized that many of the things most important to me, both in myself and others, were staring back at me from the page. Comical or not, I had poured my heart out. I ended the piece with a light list of some favorite things, implying that if I found the man who shared most or all of them, then I would have found what many of us search for in a partner, but very rarely find; a true connection.

A portion of that list follows below.

If some or all of what follows below makes you smile, we need to make plans today:
...Total Euro trash eighties, pop eighties, goth eighties, (a pattern developing here), dogs, Thai food, David Sedaris, insulin requiring musicals, British accents, British men, friendly gay bars, long sleeved t-shirts, contradictions, strong women, plaid button downs, someone who says they are sorry and they mean it, flowers in a natural state, Baja, rugby as sport not as fetish, someone who can’t dance and doesn’t care, bodies of water, pretentious alternative cinema with exhaustive silences and painful close ups, university sweatshirts, a bare ass in chaps on a public street with obvious confidence, Tracy Ulman, fashion commentators who make no sense, people watching, good friends, parents as people, visionary concepts, a cheesy sad movie, being invested in something...

The short winded point to this trip down Allan's narrative quest for connection? Well, surprising no one more than myself, I have found it. After close to a year of thinking, and actually accepting, it would not happen again, it has. His name is Roger, and I am in love. For the worriers among you, don't worry, so is he. :) There will be more to come in the next day or two.

Posted on

May 21, 2008 | by

Love & Relationships,

Deeper Perspectives

14 Comments

05.3.2008

11:10AM

Jack

Every once in a while, probably more than I care to admit, I have the ability to shed my Gen X cynical skin, and revert to an embarrassing state of sentimentality. Today was no exception.

In my constant attempt to down size and become more echo friendly, I am slowly purging unwanted and unnecessary "stuff". Never underestimate how difficult this is for a pack rat. Going through some old papers and letters, ones that have been occupying space for longer than I care to remember, I stumbled across the following passage. It was printed on old parchment paper, worn and yellowed from decades of age. I was immediately brought back to a day a little over twenty years ago.

My Uncle Jack had always been my favorite uncle. Brilliant, engaging, in his presence I felt I could conquer the world. A tenured professor at The University Of Alberta, he possessed doctoral degrees in philosophy and anthropology, and had a voracious, almost living thirst for knowledge. Not only a respected academic, my uncle's late teen years found him defending his country in WW 2. I recall being captivated with tales of that time. Not of the war, but of meeting, and falling in love Katherine, the woman who would become his wife, then only a teenage girl living in London.

When I was fourteen Jack died after a long battle with lung cancer. This had been the first death of someone not only close to me, but one I idolized. I remember after the funeral, after the guests left the reception, my aunt Katherine pulled me aside. Through tears, she told me how, at the end of the war, Jack's Army unit was the first to arrive at Auschwitz, helping to liberate the prisoners of that horrific place.

An elderly Jewish man, gaunt and barely able to walk, handed Jack a piece of paper. Through tears he thanked my uncle, explaining he never let himself give up, even though hope often seemed too painful. The man then reached into his shirt pocket, handing Jack a worn piece of paper, explaining that without fail, the words on the worn sheet were words he read every morning of his imprisonment. When my uncle asked him why they were so important, he answered simply, "they made me remember I mattered". The man requested that Jack keep the piece of worn paper, explaining that to him and many of the other prisoners, Jack represented the hope this man had never let themselves give up on.

My uncle had never told that story to anyone but my aunt, though he faithfully kept the paper in his night stand for almost forty years. As she handed me the parchment paper, I was told Jack had planned on giving it me for my eighteenth birthday. Katherine relayed how the words had been an inspiration for Jack's many pursuits and accomplishments. He had wanted to pass it on to me, as she said I reminded him of himself. I was profoundly touched that he had wanted the same inspiration, the same opportunities for success he had been given, for me.

Before going back to join the others, my Aunt Katherine looked at me and smiled, "You know, he wanted you to have this because he was sure you wouldn't let him down. Make sure you don't".

When I look at the events in my life, the many pursuits, the more than a few failures, the many successes, that gift from my favorite uncle, and the legacy of human spirit it represents, have always played a part in my motivations. I never forgot where, at least in part, that resolve has stemmed from.

I've reprinted the words from that page below. The passage is unattributed, and is a simple but priceless message, a reminder that yes, we do in fact matter. All of us.

Every person born into the world represents someone new, someone who never existed before, someone original and unique. It is the duty of every person of Israel to know and consider that he or she is unique in the world in his or her particular character and that there has never been anyone like him or her before, for if there had been…there would have been no need for him or her to be in the world. Every single person is a new thing in the world, and is called upon to fulfill his or her particularity to the world. That is the honor.

Posted on

May 3, 2008 | by

04.29.2008

5:24PM

On Deeper Themes

Was talking with a friend today, one who I haven't spoken with in a while. Brian is living in London at the moment, having taken a temporary contract. I was pleased to hear that it was something he was enjoying, and on some deeper levels, he was finding himself closer to where he wants to be in his life.

Which for a change, I was glad to hear. Very much like I am, Brian has been known to occasionally over analyze his specific situations to an unhelpful degree. The problem with that for both of us, has been an inaccurate focus given to whatever it was we were analyzing. Thus, perspective is often skewed, and often wrong. This time though, he seemed content; happy with how things had mapped out.

Our conversation eventually drifted into the idea of happiness being best achieved by a personal willingness to live a few self defined, core beliefs that we come to an awareness of on our own. Specifically self referential, the reward that may be garnered from these beliefs, comes in the ability to know a life lived with consistent principle. That's one thing I believe most of us want, and if I look at the people I respect and view as really having their "stuff" together, they all usually have that element at their core.

So branching off from that theme, here's quite the meme. What are your three major themes that you try to live your life with an awareness of. I don't mean "rules" or things with a very narrow focus, but instead ways of looking at the world and the things you view as important in it, that influence how you interact with yourself, and others?

The following are my top three.

What I've talked about a few times before, that being the concept of "directional flow", is something that is hugely important to me. The idea that our general intent, and our way of realizing and experiencing the world and others in it, is coming from a positive and genuine vibe, not an insincere and constructed one. Obviously there is a lot more to the concept of directional flow, but at its core it recognizes that if we act with positive intent, building up instead of tearing down, then our actions are aligned with a karmic good, and fundamentally incompatible with negative harm. Update to #1. This always has a tendency to sound similar to "we create our own reality, thus we decide what will happen". No, that is not directional flow. That is a philosophy that I don't put a lot of stock in, as ones choices and decisions are always, to some degree, dictated by circumstance. Therefore we are not always responsible for the creation of our own reality.
Having the most authentic and personally beneficial relationship with family and friends as I can. Being a good friend and family member in not only intention, but demonstrated action. As I've gotten older the number of friendships I have maintained has decreased in amount, but largely increased in quality as well as the ability to know a deeper and more authentic relationship.
Lastly, what has become more important the older and more mature I become, is to recognize we all arrive where we are by our own navigation, that is entirely dependent on our own timing. And that is based on a whole set of complicated experiences and life events that I, or you know nothing about as it applies to anyone but ourselves. So I really try not to judge things so harshly. Except, and this is a big one for me, except where there is damage occurring to another, there is no use or benefit in judging others experience, as they need to know the experience for what it is to them. Not what it is to me. I think in 2008, this concept is key in both a personal context, and more importantly, a societal and global one.

Not specifically tagging anyone, though if anyone does want to tackle it, I'd be really interested to know what you view as your important themes you attempt to live life by.

Posted on

Apr 29, 2008 | by

04.22.2008

11:03AM

On The Idea Of Support

When I made the very scary decision to leave what was a rather cushy position in emergency medical research, and return to grad school for my MFA, it was with a lot of thought and some obvious goals. All of which were in some way based on my experiences reading literature and non fiction that had the ability to move me, change me, or make me consider something for the first time. If you stop to think about those things, and just what it means when those experiences happen for us, it can be overwhelming.

I have always been deeply affected by a personal narrative, the act of an author writing and expressing a strongly felt declarative statement. When the prolific blogger brownfemininepower took down her website recently, the blog world lost a very strong, powerful voice. One that I really wish more people had a chance to read. I remember when I first stumbled onto her site almost a year ago, the first article I read was discussing her initial experience with women's studies, and her first experience with the brilliant and cutting edge Andrea Smith, author of Conquest: Sexual Violence and American Indian Genocide.

While I had never had the opportunity to hear her lecture, or experience the teaching of Ms. Smith, I had read her books, and I had very specifically garnered much of my pedagogical ethic of student safety, from her writings and philosophy. What became increasingly clear to me as I read brownfeminepower's essay discussing Andrea Smith, and the ensuing comments, was what that particular community of women of color bloggers had more of than any other blog community I had come across. In a few very large and meaningful ways, they were rich.

Odd you might say, given the dynamics that have been laid out over the last several months, it seems like a somewhat contradictory thing to say. And if we were just talking about acceptance and validation from the mainstream, I would agree, they are anything but rich. Though what I was feeling, what I was seeing, and what I am trying to get at, is the community that these women have created with and for each other, is extremely rich.

It's something that you can't help but notice and it's a flavor that runs through all the women of color blogs that I have read. They are there for one another, they support each other, they hold each other up, and when it gets bad, as it has lately, they have each others back. And no, they don't always agree. Though there is always a core respect, and a core support. And it's something that makes me angry when I think of some of the darker reasons for that highly developed trait I see in women of color.

That is something I envy, and it is something we in the liberal mainstream blog world - feminist, gay, anti racist, pick your theme, we could all do a bit better at. The following video We Belong: Women Of Color & Online Feminism is one made by Sudy, who also writes a great blog. I think the video does an exacting job of conveying my point here. It was shot around the recent WAM conference (women and media) and when I first saw it, I was overwhelmed by the genuine support that it demonstrates so beautifully. I think it's a great, inspiring way to close out this topic.

Posted on

Apr 22, 2008 | by

Race / Racism,

Feminist / Pro Feminist,

The Web

9 Comments

04.15.2008

4:18PM

A Question For Daddy

I really wasn't going to write about this, since, for the most part, I try to follow that old adage which recognizes that if I don't have anything nice to say....yeah, well I never could remember the end of that one.

At any rate, since I was just witness to the "world wide spiritual leader" make his entrance to the United States, and after Candy from CNN just about drooled on the man, I just had to offer a thought. It may be asking a lot, since I'm sure he will be busy explaining away that whole sex with children and priests thing, but I would like to offer his holiness a sentence that he could perhaps finish for me.

Please answer at your leisure father.

"Yeah, about that I used to be a Nazi thing...."

Posted on

Apr 15, 2008 | by

News & Current Eevnts

13 Comments

04.8.2008

3:34PM

On Writing & Safety

I finished a novel last weekend that, more than a beautiful read, was something that stayed with me for the past week; and in the process, has ignited a few thoughts I need to explore on some deeper levels. Kiara Brinkman's Up High In The Trees is a hugely affecting novel that asks some fundamental questions about pain, perception, and examines the idea and concept of grieving as an intensely personal, never comparable experience.

For a first novel, Brinkman took more than a few chances with the subject of the book. The main thrust of which, is about a boy, Sebby, with Asperger's syndrome; a spectrum disorder similar to autism, characterized by communication disorders, high intellect, and the unique feature of feeling all emotion hundreds of times more intensely than his unaffected peers. Brinkman gives us astute insight to this child's world, when, at the outset of the novel, his mother unexpectedly dies.

I read an interview with the writer where she discussed the attachment that developed to characters as she spend increasing time crafting and writing them in a novel length project. I know for myself, after my first novel was completed, I went through a short phase of what could only be described as a mild depression. Now, it's important to note that it was a very situational depression, and it was also self resolving, but it does demonstrate that the process of creation is not without it's own unique baggage.

What this author had to say on the topic took me a bit off guard, and is extremely wise. It is also no doubt something that will be front and center the next time I go down the creating a new novel path. Though for the foreseeable future, I'm going to stick to reading.

Kiara Brinkman on character attachment
"...Inhabiting this character for a couple of years did affect me personally. It was very intense. In the middle of a project I carry it around with me, even trying to experience the world as the character might. Writing this character turned up the volume on my own emotions. The world become brighter, more vivid, but could also be overwhelming. When I got stuck, I would take a break for a couple of weeks. My own brain needed a change. I got very attached to Sebby and had to write him into a place where I felt he would be safe, so it was important to end the book on a hopeful note...."

You can read the entire interview with the Goddard College MFA graduate, here.

Posted on

Apr 8, 2008 | by

04.6.2008

2:37AM

Sunday Dinner

A menu description might include:

A meaty, yet tender slice of synaptically engaged nourishment. Sunday dinner will highlight the rich and diverse flavor of what is out there, and hints at tastes yet to come.

No, that is not me writing the next overly descriptive Red Lobster menu, it is me using cheesy food metaphors to introduce the first of a weekly Sunday feature here at blueAlto. Or, an overly verbose way of saying, welcome to three previews, two links and a realtively short, though somewhat justifiable endictament of religious seniors with the term Godbag. Kidding about the seniors, though serious about the rant. You'll see....

It's a feature that is based in as much formative structure as it is in intention. Yes, I will be linking to some of the best out in the ether blog stuff I have read in the past week, but I am also very deliberately setting up a bit of my post MFA structure. It's extremely exciting, but also humbling, and not a small amount daunting, that my entire academic life of the past three years has a total of three weeks and one very large, and very required thesis defense, until it is awarded what will be the third alphabet soup like title in the BA, MA string. Crossing fingers that the transition which adds MFA onto that string will be smooth.

Because really, the none too slight pre occupation I have with being seen as excessively self absorbed, when I reference a third degree, particularly a creative, fine arts degree, can be seen in all it's clarity through what I call "channeling with mom". A sage example....

"You've still pulling that struggling artist / thoughtful student thing? Dear, cutting edge doesn't have that same independent punch at forty as it did at thirty five. Get back to work"!

Thanks Mom.

Following that sarcastic self deprecation, and we arrive neatly at my reason for the weekly Sunday Dinner. Because the whole manically engaged, bi polar art of working towards the MFA, will very soon be over. In effect and by extension so will my entire daily schedule. Setting a purposeful structure of not only writing, but thinking, reading, free form expressing, discussing, researching, observing and emotionally engaging is a must do. These were the program tools that by design, became the structure I simply walked into in the fall of 2005, and have immersed myself in since.

Considering my experience with ingrained pattern change, has, in the past, been nothing less than a bitch on wheels, it's time to get more than a little pro actively intentional, and then get busy. So here you go, a preview of what's to come on this site (affirming what I must then do) and some thoughts as to the best of what is currently out there (assures me I have in fact been reading, and can reference other ideas in formulating and developing, both into and from, some of my own).

Coming Soon To blueAlto:

A detailed look at the process, and personal journey narratives of writing, and how both of those experiences can fundamentally tie into a personal vision of social justice dedication, through a coomitment to ethically intentional works. Especially works of memoir and creative non fiction.
A longer more thoughtful series on mens relationship to feminism, and how we can move beyond the limiting constraints, while at the same time offer women our ally status. It then changes direction, branching off from ideas expressed in my recently published essay Men, Feminism & Ethics: How Men Can Assist In The Struggle For Female Autonomy and Equality.
Coming Soon: Almost completly finalized, this will be a two member team approach utilizing a multi blog venue, of a ten week series of fiction writing, crafted and presented in the long forgotten art of the personal letter. Interest peaked? Good, stay tune. Here and elsewhere.

And how interesting that number two brings me to a not so artfully placed segue into this weeks unhinged - pontificating - soapbox hint of a what's - to -come - rant. This one will be in both spirit and solidarity with all those "ism 101" threads everywhere. Specifically, it will quickly address this aggressively annoying (in a not so dis similar experience of a painful UTI) theme I have seen pop up on more than one gay male blog of late. The idea that if, as a man, I must absolutely demand my feminist creed be validated by being called nothing less than a feminist! Well Skippy, (or Mike or Joe) I would suggest before you get all completely offended, you give an ounce of consideration to the following points.

That from a purely self referential perspective, and from a childish and deterministic "I want to be therefore I am" perspective, you are a feminist sunshine! Or a pro feminist! Or a human rights ist! Or if you want, a fucking three ring tailed pink kangaroo! This is where I do a quick little Zen inspired appropriation and offer a smug little bow, hands clasped in front of me in prayer symbol, and say " go, be happy oh feminist one". Or, "go be happy oh three ring tailed kangaroo of the pink variety."
But, if you are looking for an identity as a feminist with a bit of substance behind it, or, you know, with a bit of the respect of the people central to the movement you hope to represent, (that would be women sunshine), than may I suggest that whatever you call yourself, either feminist, pro feminist, or male, three ring tailed pink kangaroo, needs to be backed up in daily life by actions, thoughts and behaviors which would lead one (who is in fact a feminist) to actually believe you when you assert that you have an ounce of an idea about what a feminist is, before you feel the need to unfairly appropriate, thus highjack the term.

But please understand. In the specific movement known as feminism, the very last thing it is or ever will be about, thanfuckingfully, is how we as men feel the need to define ourselves! For what it's worth, here are my own personal thoughts on the topic.

In the grand scheme no one really cares! Don't get particularly caught up on "feminist" or "pro feminist". Personally, I have identified as pro feminist for at least the last ten years. Why "pro" as opposed to simply feminist? I believe it implies a level of thought has been given to the identity, not just one that has been unfairly appropriated. There is a distinct difference between a male feminist and a female feminist. Only one can know and experience male applied oppression based on gender. And it ain't the man! In my experience, most women who are feminists don't care what you call yourself, so long as you back it up with relevant action in your daily life. Though if you run across women who are not on board with the idea of a "male feminist", simply defer to pro feminist. Because really, the end goal is not about how we as men label ourselves.

Perhaps my points on this subject are too subtle, and lacking an affirmative tone. Well In that case, and also because it is on its own, a damn fine example of quality writing through a personal lens, elegantly informing and describing a sense of political consciousness, consider this from Theriomorph, where she discusses When Abundance Goes Wrong:

Very occasionally, I meet men with whom I do not have to explain and argue the most basic experiences of my day to day life in a misogynist world. These pro-feminist, feminist, ally (choose your moniker) men have already loved a human being who was a woman concerned with justice, and have also actually listened to her, so they’ve spent some time thinking about the subject already. They have come to the stunning realization that a woman is not, in fact, terribly mysterious, except in the ways all people are to one another: she is, fundamentally, a lot like them. A unique mind and body with a set of experiences, emotions, interests, passions, quirks, pet peeves, opinions, and skills who is a sovereign and individual being deserving of the same basic human rights they expect for themselves, about whom they should presume nothing. They also get that she runs into brick walls all the time, and that it would be really great for him to not be another one.

I am going to suggest that before you loudly claim your right to the title of your choosing, in a movement you wish to embody, for whatever reason that may be, you would be wise to ask yourself about the men that are described in that passage. Do you think they care, in any sense, about a one word descriptive marker to say all things about their own relationship in and to a movement?

I go on record as saying that men like this, could not care in the least, and have a much deeper and nuanced relationship to, and awareness of, their own feminism / pro feminism / what have you identity, than can be conveyed in a word. Next time boys, try the deep end.

Ending on a note that nods to some truly quality writing, check out this brave, and I say brave very intentionally here, post from Tate on a personal recollection of that school age positioning on the bully - picked on continuum. We all have these stories and they are things we could all gain some self reflection from, I imagine.

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Apr 6, 2008 | by

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