On The Topic Of Mom
Sunday, May 11, 2008 
Had a conversation with my mother this afternoon that was very surprising, and in many ways, supremely touching. Discussing my parents plans for Mothers Day, the discussion eventually worked its way into some generalities on the day we culturally celebrate mothers.
A day that in the past, as well as today, would always see me remember mom with a card, flowers, and phone call, no matter where I was in the world. Two hours away in Montreal, or half a world away working in Sudan. Happy to say that I never forgot one of those days, though there were times it had been close.
So it was more than surprising to hear the things that mom remembered as central to her experience of that day. It certainly hasn't been the cards and flowers. And actually, not even the phone calls. Strangely enough, it was one card, sent three years ago. One I had completely forgot about.
In December of 2006, our family celebrated my mothers graduation with a BA in Canadian Social Justice Theory, from The University Of Ottawa. For several reasons, it was a very special day. Mom had always been a socially active woman, and had been a crisis nurse prior to my birth. Though after that event, her focus was nowhere else, and she was first and foremost, in every way, a stay at home mother. I couldn't have asked for better parenting, and she does not regret a day of doing that. But as so often happens, when her reality became one of this only child leaving home, my mother came to the startling realization that somewhere along the way, she had somehow lost who she was.
The card that I gave my mother on Mothers Day three years ago, the one prior to her graduation, had a simple message.
Dear Mom,
Happy Mothers Day to a woman I am proud to say is in every way a wonderful mother, and at the same time so many other things, above and beyond "my mother". As your son, the integration of those two realities is what I am the most proud of.
Love,
Al
Interesting isn't it, these small things we don't give a second thought to. Often they are the ones that others seem to never forget.
To all the mothers out there, happy mothers day. You are everything a mother is, and so much more.
View Printer Friendly Version
Email Article to Friend
Reader Comments (6)
OK, this had me welling up with tears. What a beautiful sentiment to your Mom and all Mom's who are blessed to read this post.
Happy Mother's Day to Al's Mom! You did a superb job raising a wonderfully smart, intuitive and compassionate son!
Love,
3T
Given our earlier exchange you had me crying a river.. You go Mom!!! As a mother of a son, I can tell you my dear that knowing your child loves and accepts you for you and you alone- sans maternal baggage, is the most incredible gift of all. And to Al's mother- A job very well done, and a man well raised, I expect you must be quite an amazing woman.
Being an only child is a different dynamic than being one of four, which makes the kind tribute you paid to your mother even more important I suspect. I find myself going out of my way to do the same for my mother, as it tends to mitigate the hurt she feels when she is sure to be disappointed by the antics of my younger brother, and his glaring silence and rudeness. This is a reminder to all of us that simple words of validation, can mean so, so much. Thank you.
That is very sweet, and I'm impressed but not surprised that you got how important that was.
I think it is very important for women to not lose that sense of self when they become mothers. It's a difficult balance to maintain. For one's child to see his mother for who she is aside from the mothering, that is a beautiful thing. Congratulations to both of you.
Oh wow, as a mom I can see why that meant so much to her.