Posted on 
Jun 8, 2008 | by Karen
Jun 8, 2008 | by Karen 06.8.2008
9:32AM
The Hair Thing
A guest post by: Karen
Previously a posting to the private site of blueAlto, I have modified it for publication on the main page. Comments from the original entry have not been included in the interest of maintaining privacy.
As this post deals specifically with attraction, sexual attraction and physical attributes, it is probably wise to state my personal experience of those variables. I am five ten, have a naturally slim frame, and have always been in good to excellent shape athletically. In so far as the traditional definition of "pretty" that our culture normally views women by and often holds them to, that is a description which has often been applied to me. Self awareness of that definition, like it does for most, varies wildly and often.
I began modelling at the early age of fifteen, seeing moderate success in runway and fashion work for several years. During this time, I became very aware that how I was treated and perceived, was, in great measure, due to my looks. The benefit or negative experiences of that reality, simply depended on who was doing the appraising. An early identity as a feminist taught me to always be aware of how that dynamic had a part in the granting and withholding of privilege. Both for myself, and how that played out for others.
One of the things that has always stuck out from those experiences, is the sexual and non sexual power of hair. Though Al has mentioned it before, hair, on the head that is, doesn't seem to be that tied in to men and their sense of body awareness and attractiveness. I imagine some balding men feel self conscious, though I would hope the the recent cultural trend of viewing bald men as virile and attractive would balance out any feelings of insecurity over that type of hair loss. Women on the other hand, have a long and complicated history with their hair, their relationship to it, and it's role in their perceived sexual attractiveness. I would be no exception.
As a young girl, I hadn't cut or trimmed my hair until I was ten years old, and then it was just a short trim to maintain the ends. Really, up until three short years ago, my hair had never been above my mid shoulder blades, and I had never worn bangs. Coming out of the genetics pool on the naturally light blond, thick and straight side of the hair descriptions, I learned to prize that trait, and I learned to use it, as we all do with what we are told our best attributes are.
Even after a substantial history in modelling, and with all of the cultural awareness of what value hair was and is to us as women, it wasn't until three years ago that I really understood that power. In a moment of weird and intense female bonding, I was helping a friends mother shave her head. Grace was suffering from terminal breast cancer, and as she was fighting a losing battle with hair and chemo, I made a rash decision. Out of solidarity, out of friendship, and out of what seemed to be a good idea at the time, I picked up the clippers and shaved off my hair to half an inch, at most, all over my head.
That simple act of cutting my hair, left me feeling and experiencing my female identity in completely foreign ways than I had in the past. From self perception, to how I was publicly and professionally perceived, to how I was publicly ignored (when attention had been the norm), all were experiences that made me realize just how powerful hair, in our North American culture, truly is. Though I was aware of these things theoretically, It was not in any way what I expected, both in terms of the self reactions it drew out of me, nor the negative and positive reactions it drew from others.
Professionally is where it really became interesting. Given that my career before parental leave had been as the registered nurse member of a police crisis team, albeit a non uniformed role, my interaction with police officers was routine and extensive. As well, being a feminist identified woman I was always conscious of the extent that my looks or traditional feminine appearance would / could help or would / could inhibit that professional relationship.
Never did I imagine that simply having a close cropped head of hair would be the catalyst for the amount and severity of negative reactions I received from male colleagues. From my departmental supervisor actually suggesting I grow my hair out as fast as possible for "unit cohesion", since the men now didn't feel I was part of the team, to the idea that I had now become much more ardent, tough and loud. I believe the actual quote was, "Karen has become a direct departure from the gentile and nurturing Karen of the past".
Of course those things had not changed. The only thing that had changed, however, was my departure from a perception that was traditional, patriarchal, and very comfortable to men. Cutting my hair, or more specifically, bluntly cropping it, to a style that was viewed as hostile, the unspoken very ugly assumption was I had become the widely feared "man hating dyke"; urban legend # 1 of the patriarchy..
Obviously I could write for days on the subtle and not so subtle effects I began to notice, but suffice it to say that during the year and a half it took to regrow my hair (a completely personal choice) I was much more in tune to the variable perceptions and reactions from both men and women, as my length and style would change.
Today, as raising twins is not exactly amenable to below the shoulder flowing locks, especially with a goal to keep them free of peanut butter, I have settled on a chin length bob that gives me the convenience of short, with the appearance and versatility of some length. Though even cutting it from below the shoulders, I was surprised at my rather extreme attachment to what was nowhere to be found when reaching behind my neck.
I'd be interested to hear what others reactions are to hair and personal / sexual attractiveness. In themselves, in others, and in relation to things such as gender and ethnicity. As a white woman, I have often taken for granted my ability to alter my hair in a multitude of visual ways. Looking at the relationship and role of hair in the lives of African American women for example, it then becomes complicated, fast.
Please let me know your thoughts. Hopefully we can generate a good discussion around what is so often experienced, but never discussed.
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Reader Comments (6)
I've had hair down to the middle of my back, 2" long, and everything in between. I've been guided mostly by laziness, wanting something I considered attractive which requires little or no effort to maintain. Well, that will never happen so long as I live in Western society (as you have so ably illustrated).
Interestingly, it seemed my hair length was a mirror to men of their own masculinity. The longer it was—the more feminine I appeared—the more masculine and apparently secure men felt around me. When I have short hair, men are less nurturing; but they also listen to me more. I get more done with less effort administratively with shorter hair. And there's far less sexual innuendo to deal with, too. I could write a blog entry on that subject alone.
Women don't seem to care nearly so much, but I've never challenged their perceptions by having extremely short hair. I would say that my appearance with short hair is somewhat androgynous. It seems to be rather neutral in terms of threat or appeal. That has its advantages. But mostly it's just because I don't want to mess with my hair.
I went from butt length to a close crop in one fell swoop ten years ago and I've never looked back. I had it long for dance, for some perverse reason ballerinas weren't allowed short hair back in the day. I kept it long for a couple of decades. Having been born with above average looks, the world did indeed grant me privilege. And yes, it really is amazing how people that knew you "before" thought there was some sudden personality change, while I really was the same old me. Some did seem to perceive me as less "feminine", but frankly many didn't. There were indeed a few that thought I'd gone off my rocker. But professionally I was indeed taken a lot more seriously, the amount of effort to truly be heard my my male colleagues was far, far less. Truthfully I think people are less "threatened" perception wise by really short hair on a petite woman than a tall one. Take it for what it's worth, my own view after seeing how my fellow short haired sisters are treated. I'd be interested to hear your views on that Karen.
Oddly enough, I have found there are quite a few men than find extremely short hair very sexy. As to my perception of myself, frankly I must admit to having far more vanity attached to my wrinkles than to my hair. Actually when I whacked it all off I genuinely felt far more powerful in many respects.
I'd have to say I experienced things very similar to Karen. Though my hair has been everything under the sun, usually blond (it is naturally) and in some "creative" style that either worked triumphantly or was a resounding failure. "Oh my God are you are a hair model"? and "Oh, YOU'RE the girl who had that totally fucked up hair last year"? were frequent questions.
Though I should say, I have always worked in the arts and my education until very recently had been fine arts and acting school programs - a much more liberal and anything goes environment.
Nevertheless, when I was treated as someone with inherent intelligence, it was usually when my hair was its most conservative and at an "appropriate" length often, the clone drone look - bland shoulder length hair. When I had my more creative takes on hair-as-performance art, I was treated as "just that quirky actress" at best, or with a tone that suggested I get help for my clearly out of control mental health.
Though it was not until my last year of high school and rather intense rebellion at being just another nice girl and adopted the Bananarama "just rolled out of some guys bed", slutty in your face hair, big leather belts and bustiers worn with half the ass ripped out of my jeans, that I was treated with a direct reference to my looks and if someone thought something might be in the cards for them, they were treating my like a visiting queen. When their advances were politely rebuffed I would normally be viewed and clearly treated as "that bitch, whore, slut who had the gall not to let me fuck her".
Now at 38, I don't find a lot of difference whether my hair is long, short or in the middle. Until last year it had been very pixy style, and I have just grown it out to well below the shoulders for an acting job. I imagine the lack of reaction is due to a bit of sophistication with personal style now, vs. when hair would have been the overriding trate.
Excellent post Karen! And you are so right about guys and hair. Until a guy starts to really have that male pattern baldness thing become obvious, he'll have done one of three things. He'll obsess over it, try to comb it in intricate ways, gel it, grow it out on top, wear a cap, and otherwise try to disguise the fact that he is losing his hair. And he'll look like an idiot.
Two, he will get even more desperate and get one of those weave / half toupees that stick out halfway up the nape of the neck and always require the hair be longer than most guys wear it. And it will look fake and he will look like an even bigger idiot. But, hey, he has hair!
Or, hopefully, he'll buzz it down like most guys do, and get cool with the idea that buzzed or bald is hot. Because frankly, it is! In the gay community, that's like 90% of the guys. Guys have buzzed their heads for years because it's long been associated with hot. Look at Al, look at Tater, look at joe.my.god, look at Sean, there are so many examples. I just can't understand the guys who try to fake it because it always looks ...FAKE!
Hi everyone, thanks for the great responses.
Doralong said:
"Truthfully I think people are less "threatened" perception wise by really short hair on a petite woman than a tall one."
In the vast majority of occasions, I would definitely agree with you on that. I think where short hair is perhaps less threatening to men is when it is on an attractive woman who they share a pleasant relationship (such as a co worker or platonic friend) with and would rather compartmentalize them than see them as sexual, first and foremost. I think your point about height is a very accurate one, and one that I personally noticed.
Regarding my own experience, initially I was surprised that the reactions became more negative the closer my looks became similar to those that I was working with. Though in my case I had already established a relationship with these men where they already saw and perceived me as something. The accuracy in that perception was irrelevant; what I had done was mess with that perception. Bringing up issues of trust, issues of stereotype etc...
The other factor I saw was that while many men find very short hair on women appealing, those styles are usually highly stylized and appear traditionally feminine. I went from hair that was mid back to a shorter version of Sinead O'Connor overnight. Sinead is a beautiful woman but I think I'm safe in the assumption she was not the average straight mans vision of "a hottie". Add to that, the fact that I was working in a position where I was only marginally and conditionally accepted into a male dominated field, and the dynamic changes entirely.
The most ironic thing was that while my hair was mid back length, I had always worn it off my face and pulled back / pinned up anytime that I was on shift. Similar to the picture on my profile. Coming and going to work and social events were the only times I would have had my hair down, and even then I usually had it tied back in some fashion.
Great points. As far as what straight men view as hot or not, I think it has a lot to do with how the man views the specific woman. If they can genuinely see them as sexual, anything that aggressively reinforces that or aggressively denies that will be viewed with scorn. That's my take anyway.